God has His ways of moving our hearts when we are seeking to grow in holiness. His quiet voice would win out in the end. Almost a decade later, about three months before Lent 2011, the idea to give up makeup for Lent once again crossed my mind. Again, I pushed it aside. However, after two months of this challenge being whispered to my heart, I began to become more open. As I applied my make up one morning, I heard that whisper again, "then how about all but two?" Now, that was a compromise I could live with, give up makeup but keep any two products I wanted. Sure, the Lord would have been thrilled with a full exile from makeup for forty days, but He always meets us where we are. To Him, the particulars of the sacrifice didn't matter as much as the willingness to open my heart to what He wanted to teach me that Lent.
What He had to teach me was more than I could have ever imagined. The sacrifice of my makeup opened wide a door for Him that had been closed for far too long. It was time for me to examine my concept of beauty. It was time for me to reclaim a confidence in my beauty based on the truth that I was and am His incredible and beautiful creation. Over and over again, as I journeyed through those forty days, I heard Him whisper to my heart, "daughter of God, know your dignity."
This line, "daughter of God, know your dignity," has become my defense. When the culture's portrayal of beauty leads me astray, or I feel myself slipping into the realms of materialism, consumerism, and false ideologies of womanhood, I try to remember this.
You see, after the birth of our second child, I became somewhat obsessed with what my body looked like. I had two children nineteen months apart, and I wondered if my body would ever be the same again. It happened slowly, it crept in one little lie at a time. I didn't even notice it. Before I knew it, I had become someone who counted calories obsessively and let the scale determine my mood and belief in my beauty. My mind kept telling me that I wasn't beautiful. Lies, lies, lies... by the time I realized what was happening, I had no idea how to overcome them. I felt like I was drowning.
I had a deeply rooted faith, and that faith called my mind back to the truth in the midst of this darkness. The truth was that the answer to overcoming my insecurities and to win the battle to believe in my beauty was Jesus Christ. His grace would be sufficient. In my weakness, He would be strong (2 Corinthians 12:9). As you may know, the hardest part is letting go, opening the door, and allowing Him to change you. He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:16). In Him I knew I could find the way to believe in my beauty by embracing the truth of who He created me to be. I had hope that maybe after this Lent, I would find freedom from the lies and more abundant life.
Truth, freedom, life, healing, peace, joy, grace... The gifts God gave me throughout Lent of 2011 were beyond what I could have imagined. It required sacrifice, an open heart, and a concerted effort, but it was worth it. Every day, I sat down and reflected on God's truth, prayed, and committed to fulfill a challenge. For my own accountability, I shared those reflections in a blog each day. It wasn't easy, but I can honestly say that this devotional transformed me day by day. I was able to reclaim my belief in my beauty, but more than that, I began to discover how beautiful I could really be through the practice of virtue.
I admit that this transformation is ongoing, such is the nature of the spiritual life and our journey to holiness. Just as much as the next girl, I still need to soak myself in truth and make an intentional effort to practice virtue. For many of us, the battle to believe in our beauty, will be a constant fight. So, this Lent, I'm going to revisit those daily reflections. I want to continue the transformation Christ began in me four years ago. Virtue is beauty, and virtue is to be in the habit of doing the good. I know that to live true beauty, I need to be in the habit of seeking truth and doing the good. I want to live true beauty. Do you?
This year, I will once again share forty days of reflection with any woman/teen who wishes to soak in God's truth about beauty and strive to live virtue.You may be in a dark place like I was, you may already believe in your beauty, or you may be somewhere in between. Wherever you are, God has an extraordinary plan for your transformation this Lent. Open wide the door to Him.
Note: If you choose to take the True Beauty Challenge, you don't have to give up make up. I would challenge you to give up something, but if you choose to only follow the reflections, that is great too. If you do give something up, try to pick one thing that is a vanity for you. Ask yourself, What is the one vanity that would be hardest for me to give up? What is the one thing that most distracts you from believing in your inner beauty? What do you use to cover up your disbelief in your beauty? What do you rely on more than God's truth to believe in our beauty? That vanity will look different for all of us, but it may be something like the scale, compact mirror, excessive time getting ready, changing outfits multiple times, looking at fashion magazines, counting calories, make up, not eating enough, buying clothes, etc.
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